The Rebirth of Friendship

So, here i am standing at the back of a chapel area preparing to share a message with a group of young women who are struggling in a fight for their lives and i smile. This smile seemed to creep up from my toes, and then became plastered on my face. Its came from a realization that had been creeping into my life for the last few weeks. An understanding of what was happening even though, on a cognizant level, i would've fought it off with all my might if i could. And the subject that i refer to is friendship.

First, it helps to understand a little bit about me. I've always been guarded with my friends, but i've definitely had them. In fact, i've had a ton of friends. It wasn't until i became a Christian that this seemed to change. It seemed to move down a notch from friends to acquaintances. It wasn't that i didn't hang out with people or always have people around me. It was just that those people moved from being my 'friends' to being my 'acquaintances' - (an acquaintance was someone you could keep at arm's distance and not truly care about too much). They may not of had the 'status' of friend, but their numbers doubled and quadrupled. Especially when i started working at a large church. There were now so many more people who wanted to be part of that 'inner circle' of my life. However, true friendship doesn't happen when you're around - it happens when there's trust and love and transparency - 3 things that i chose not to have in order to protect myself. Looking back, i had people i loved and respected, but it wasn't till i really needed them or opened up to them that the wound in my heart was formed.

(I just highlighted and erased two paragraphs. These are paragraphs that i decided did not need to be in this blog. They were highlighting two individuals in my life who i thought were friends. I didn't name them, but called them 'little red' and 'Keanu'. What i realized is that it doesn't matter what they did or how they hurt me. God has the ability and desire to wash away all of that hurt and pain and i need to leave it with Him. Because of this realization - 'little red' and Keanu's stories will stay in my thoughts and my computer's recycle bin! Now, i can continue with my blog...)

So, this is what i've done for awhile. Building a wall of protection around me so that people could get close enough that i could reach over and touch them if i wanted, but then could easily retreat behind. This was my protection. Not wanting friends - who needs friends? Then, two unlikely characters tripped into my life.

The first was an individual who i bumped heads with when we first met. He has a strong personality and i have a strong personality and when you mix us, it's like oil and water. That is for the first couple years. The problem is - this guy has really grown on me as we've begun to share life together. We've begun to share our hearts with one another and look past the things that don't match to those things which do and we're left realizing that we have a lot in common. I spent some significant time with this individual and we had a fabulous time, but the scary part has been occurring recently. I've been experiencing things that i haven't felt in a long time. I actually care about this person as a friend. I actually think about him when he's not around and sincerely pray for God's best in his life. It's not a struggle to sit and talk with him and i actually care about what he has to say. He's turning into a friend...

The other was someone who i couldn't stand! I would come home after spending time with this guy and complain. I remember that whenever we were together, i would look for an excuse to leave. As soon as i was finished doing what i had to do, i would leave as fast as i could - ecstatic that i didn't have to spend anymore time with him. And then i was stuck talking to him one day and we clicked. Before i knew it, i was looking forward to talking with this guy and instead of watching the clock for the time to leave, i would stay for extended periods - sharing life and my heart with this guy. I began to care about his music and his wife and his life. I wanted to know about his past and his future and his thoughts on God. I enjoyed our time together. I fearfully realized that he was turning into a friend...

So, there i was, about to speak to a room full of people with a smile the size of Texas on my lips. It felt good. No - it felt great! It has been so long for me to let someone in. It feels good to tear down the wall and invite someone else to come and share life with me. It's scary as H - E - double hockey stick, but i'm convinced that it's well worth it and the way God created us to live.

Maybe you're there today, cowering behind a wall of pain and hurt and emotion that cripples you. I'd encourage you to reach over the wall... let someone in... let someone touch you and, in turn, touch them. Life is too short for a cold heart - even if you do live back east! (Ha! Ha! That's for all my Ohioians.)

With scary love,
GP
http://www.gphintz.com/